turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I supernannyed him into submission
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
