Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Mom said you looked used
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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