I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
