$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
