My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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