One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
