There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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