My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
