She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
