im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
