I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
