Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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