im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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