Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
