Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This baby is an asshole
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
