Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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