Non-Jews are for practice
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
