I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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