All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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