Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
