guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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