Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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