Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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