I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
