Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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