After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
foreskin is a definite game changer
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
