You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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