You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i will never coherently bang her
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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