if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
