I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
