I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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