That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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