Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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