My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
