she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
