Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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