I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
