I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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