I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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