i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
