She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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