so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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