did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
