put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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