She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Boobs speak an international language.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
