There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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