I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
