Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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