Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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