she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Congratulations! We have a period
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
