my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
