oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
