God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
