make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
